


Morning After

by Asuka Kureru (Askerian)



Series: the family you choose [3]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Adopted Sibling Relationship, Adoption, Angst and Humor, Family, Ficlet, Fluff, Gen, John is Clueless, Silly
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-11-19
Updated: 2012-11-20
Packaged: 2017-11-19 02:18:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,507
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/567934
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Askerian/pseuds/Asuka%20Kureru
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After the big drama is all over, John awakens. Hey, aren't Dad and their alien houseguests hiding things from hi -- oooh, pancakes.</p><p>Sequel to <a href="http://archiveofourown.org/works/454558">awake at night</a>. Will probably not make sense without.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> For my sequel meme on tumblr.  
> For daemoninwhite : _Sunlight!verse - anything once they’ve all ‘settled in’. Alternatively, the morning after in Awake At Night._ and also Anonymous: _Awake at night, next day or one week later?_

John has always been proud of his ability to sleep through just about any noise there exists, but scent is another thing entirely.

He wakes when the heavenly smell of sugar-laden pancakes finishes oozing its way through his room. Well, "wakes" is a big word, but he oozes his way back along the trail. He's got a good autopilot.

Thump. Thump. Goddamn stairs. Fwump. Kitchen doors.

"Mnnp'ncakes?"

"Ah, son, good morning."

He can smell honey and about four different kinds of jam and Nutella and who knows what else. He waves vaguely in his father's direction. ... pause. Wait. His father's behind him, in the living room.

The pancakes are in front of him. Target is obvious.

Magical self-cooking pancakes. He must say it out loud because Gamzee snorfles out a seal-like laugh. "Nah bro, no miracles save that of the mixing getting its delirious alchemy on. Ain't no self-twirling mix baton as exists yet."

John flops in the closest empty chair. Too many words. "... Mn. Pancakes."

"Haha, sure thing, bro. Zoom! Make space for this rad motherfucking helicarrier with its hellnasty payload of--"

"Gamzee, food plates are not Frisbees."

Oh hey there's Karkat too. Didn't see him sitting... right in front of him. John waves hello somewhat, and then just in case he curls up defensively over and around the plate Gamzee put down in front of him with a disappointed thump.

Mm pancakes.

Those taste a little different. They are still deliriously delicious. Everything is delicious ever since Dad gave up on Batterwitch-stained cheating shortcuts.

Why, everything seems better when eating those! The groove of Karkat's permascowl looks fainter. (Hehe, like that's even possible!) Gamzee looks less creepy.

Also grayer. No wait, that's because he's not all painted up.

Huh.

Pancakes. Mm pancakes.

"This is the seventh time I witness this and I still can't believe it."

Karkat is talking at him. Karkat is not made of pancake. John glowers at him and keeps masticating happily.

"You look remarkably like a milkbeast chewing its cud."

"Y'look remarkably like a shaddup."

"Ha! It speaks. Good morning, Egbert. ...John."

"Mornin'. Gimme th'strawberry jam."

... Blink. Blink. Is that a smile on Karkat's face? It must be a muscle spasm. John stares at the jam jar Karkat just _pushed into his hand_. Like... Amicably. Helpfully even. Maybe it's boobytrapped?

Karkat doesn't say anything else, and Gamzee is humming a tuneless song to himself as he prods at something on the ... food preparation thing. John returns to his breakfast.

He's a bit confused, though. Gamzee's making pancakes. Like the one John just ate? Huh, maybe that's why it's a bit different. He considers it. Okay, no, there's not much to consider, actually. "Can I have another?"

"Sure thing, bro. Hehe, _bro_."

He munches away. Huh. Karkat looks half-asleep, but not like usual when he's half-asleep and furious about being half-asleep and like he'd kill to have some real sleep, only he can't because he's Karkat and Karkats can't have nice things and so instead he'd kill anyone who made him think about how asleep he'd love to be. More like... Half-asleep. _Normal_ half-asleep.

Gamzee is shaking his skeletal booty in rhythm with the spatula. Ooookaaaay.

"... naturally," his father is saying in the other room. must be on the phone. "... would be delighted if you chose to follow but I understand if... yes, that is a very good point. John, your cousin might stay with us for a little bit, I hope you will not mind ceding your bedroom for a short while. A lady does not sleep on the couch."

Uh. Wha. "Which? Like... Jane or Jade?" Because in this weird new too-normal world, of course Jane can't be his grandma, and Jade can't be his ectosib twin mixclone, so legally cousins. He doesn't even pretend to understand the family tree.

"Jane, son." Dad points at the phone. So either she's on the phone or her creepily-like-his-own-dad dad is.

John frowns at his half-eaten pancake. With the random chomped-off bits it almost makes a picture. If he squints maybe he'll see what it reminds him of. "...But she lives next door."

His father chuckles. John's pranking alarm starts beeping in the background. _Something is being hidden from him._ "So she does! Yes, my apologies, Phil. You are entirely right, I must sort this out with John first. I will call you back."

He puts the phone back in its cradle and walks back into the kitchen. John scrunches his eyebrows at him, chewing warily. (Mm pancake.)

Dad drags in a chair, sits in front of him, only Karkat's already there so they kind of end up almost elbow to elbow.

Karkat _doesn't shuffle away_. John's pranking alarms start blaring. He has never managed to get Karkat to help him prank anyone else, but his dad is a _master_. If anyone could, _he_ could. This is pretty worrisome!

And then Gamzee drifts by, wiping his hands on his apron, and stands behind Dad, and _grins_.

John didn't know his prank'o'meter had a defcon 3 setting. Looks like he's gonna have to wake up all the way after all. Darn.

He can't help but be excited anyway.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And of course what I meant by "I might eventually write more" is "posting this fic to AO3 means I will get walloped in the head by a plotbunny in the next ten minutes. Oh self.
> 
> WARNING FOR ANGST and discussion of the same issues that popped up so prettily in awake at night. :/

The stairs are just as easy to take on autopilot on the way up as on the way down. That means he can afford not to think or even look as he climbs, a hand trailing the wall. He knows this house by heart, every single angle and crevice, it's been his since farther than he can remember.

Hosting guests in it was awesome; having to give up part of his claim to it feels weird.

 _Don't say yes or no straight away, son, take the time to think about it_ , Dad told him, and he will... eventually. For now he's just going to turn his computer on and find some braincell-killing browser game and rack up a crapton of pixel points.

If it's a joke it's the biggest one Dad's ever played on him, but it's not funny. It's not bad-unfunny either, it's just... not joke material he guesses, and argh,  he wasn't thinking about it.

Only as he passes by his dad's corridor he sees a flash of purple, and when he stops Gamzee is there, emerging from that door John himself hadn't dared to cross for the first thirteen years of his life.

His long arms are full of clothes. Huh.

"Yo, motherfucker."

John laughs back because he can't get enough of Gamzee's casual swearing. He wonders who will wear down first, Dad or him. "Yo."

"You uh, got your talk on with Hatdad all clear and proper, then?"

Hatdad. Funny nickname, only there's a touch of something that's almost nervousness in Gamzee's usually beyond-zero chill that makes John feel weird. He takes a step back in preparation for spectacular absconding.

"Yeah, I, uh. Gotta think about stuff, so talk to you la _Gamzee why are you holding underpants._ "

The troll blinks at him, then blinks down to his armful. "Whoa, hi there, Karkat's tiny pants."

John closes his mouth.

Turns on one heel.

"You know what. See you later. Yep. Byebye."

His own bedroom is only ten steps and up a small flight of stairs away and he knows it by heart. He bounces against the corners of the walls anyway.

\--

\-- ectoBiologist [EB] started pestering carcinoGeneticist [CG] --

\-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] is idle! --

EB: VANTAS GET YOUR BUTT ONLINE!!   
CG: WHAT THE BILGEGUZZLING FUCK ARE YOU DOING APPROPRIATING MY QUIRK, FUCKNUGGET.   
CG: IS, UH   
CG: SOMETHNG WRONG?   
EB: you bet your ass something is wrong!!!   
CG: OH.   
CG: I   
CG: OKAY. THAT'S COOL. I DIDN'T WANT TO STEP ON YOUR TOES OR ANYTHING. IT WAS JUST A THOUGHT. IT'S FINE.   
EB: what were your underthings *doing* in my dad's room!?   
CG: WE CAN STILL BE FRIENDS ANYWAY. RIGHT?   
CG: %$^PNik&[@RSLF   
EB: well?   
CG: OH FUCK ME WITH A RUSTY FORK. I THOUGHT YOU DIDN'T GO IN YOUR LUSUS' ROOM. YOU NEVER DID ON THE VIEWPORTS.   
EB: i don't.   
EB: but apparently gamzee does!! :D   
EB: to pick up mr vantas' lacy lingerie??? :D :D :D   
EB: what the *hell*, karkat.   
CG: THAT   
CG: I'D RATHER NOT   
EB: you'd rather not what.   
CG: NOTHING HAPPENED, JOHN.   
EB: sjluozaj NOTHING HAPPENED AS OPPOSED TO WHAT IS WHAT I'D LIKE TO KNOW!!!!!   
EB: there is NO REASON why your man panties should be in my dad's room seriously what the heck?????   
EB: i can only think of one thing and i really don't want to think it because it doesn't make sense and it's fake and stupid and would never happen in a million years haha   
EB: BUT I'M THINKING IT ANYWAY oh gog I feel sick   
CG: WE THOUGHT HE'D WANT TO. A TROLL WOULD HAVE.   
EB: MY FRIEND WOULD NEVER TRY TO SEDUCE **MY DAD** RIGHT????   
CG: JOHN.   
EB: YOU ARE NOT BECOMING MY NEW STEPMOM, KARKAT, ESPECIALLY AFTER    
EB: oh jegus he wants to *adopt you* you sick fuck what the hell???   
EB: this is starting to sound like the plot of one of those creepnasty incest and abuse things about new stepdads and their tender young fresh adopted daughters augh augh augh no my brain!   
EB: it can't be that but it's all i can think about, so just tell me what the heck happened, it can't be worse!

\-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] is idle! --

EB: oh no you don't, mister! if i have to come find you i will!   
CG: JOHN. SHUT YOUR FUCKING WORD VOMIT FOUNTAIN.   
CG: YOUR DAD DIDN'T TOUCH US.   
CG: HE WAS ENTIRELY HORRIFIED AT THE THOUGHT, IN FACT. IT WAS A GRAND LESSON IN HUMAN MORES. THE XENOSOCIOLOGICAL FIELD IS MADE RICHER FOR IT.   
EB: i am hyperventilating in real life, i'll have you know.   
EB: why how WHY did that question even come up????? you weren't REALLY getting naked in my dad's room, were you???   
CG: CAN WE JUST CHALK IT UP AS AN EXTREMELY EMBARRASSING CULTURAL MISHAP AND BURY IT ALREADY?    
CG: THE EQUINE IS DECEASED, LET US NOT ALLOW ITS CARCASS TO STINK UP THE PLACE. I PRESENT YOU, THE SHOVEL OF NASAL SALVATION.   
CG: SO HOW 'BOUT THAT HUMAN NIKLAS CAYIDJ.   
CG: HE SURE IS DOING MOVIES, HUH.   
CG: OR AT LEAST HE THINKS SO, BUT I FEEL A NEW TROLL TODAY. GENEROSITY AND THE BENEFIT OF DOUBT SHALL BE GRANTED FOR ALL.   
EB: karkat shut up.   
EB: you got naked in my dad's room.   
EB: when he was there?   
EB: did you have a weird rash and you wanted a second opinion? whew sorry for flying of the handle hehehe, i feel silly now.   
CG: I THOUGHT HE WANTED TO FUCK ME.   
EB: ...   
EB: i don't even know what to say.   
EB: but if i still had the breeze there'd probably be a hole in the roof by now.   
EB: just saying.   
EB: casual-like.   
CG: I THOUGHT IT WAS THE PRICE FOR LETTING US LIVE HERE.   
CG: BECAUSE ON ALTERNIA IT WOULD HAVE BEEN.   
CG: BECAUSE A LUSUS WOULD ONLY CARE ABOUT *THEIR CHARGE'S* SURVIVAL   
CG: AND ANYONE ELSE COULD DIE FOR ALL IT CARED   
CG: AND AN ADULT WOULD HAVE ONLY TWO MOTIVES FOR GETTING CLOSE TO A WIGGLER AND THE SECOND ONE IS THEY MAKE A PORTABLE IF SQUIRMY FOOD SOURCE.   
CG: I THOUGHT HE WAS BEING *REALLY NICE* IN WAITING FOR US TO COME TO HIM   
CG: INSTEAD OF BEATING US UP AND BENDING US OVER THE DIMINUTIVE MAGAZINE-HOLDING TABLE.   
CG: DO YOU WANT A FEW MORE SORDID DETAILS, JOHN HUMAN.   
CG: DO YOU?   
CG: FUCK YOU, I WON'T TELL YOU. I'D RATHER DIE   
CG: I'M SO FUCKING GLAD YOU DIDN'T EVEN THINK OF THAT, LIKE YOU *COULDN'T*.    
CG: I SHOULDN'T EVEN HAVE TOLD YOU THAT MUCH. JUST FORGET IT, OKAY? ALTERNIA SUCKED IN SOME PRETTY MAJOR WAYS IF YOU RAN OUT OF LUCK, FOR THE REST OF US IT WAS HORROR STORIES TO LAUGH ABOUT AT SUN-GAUNT DAY'S EVE, WE'RE NOT THERE ANYMORE, BAM! IRRELEVANT NOW, LET'S JUST DUMP THE DATA.   
CG: I DON'T WANT THAT FILTH IN YOUR HEAD.   
CG: SORRY I DUMPED THIS ON YOU. ONCE AGAIN KARKAT VANTAS MISSES A GOLDEN OCCASION TO KEEP HIS BLATHERHOLE SHUT, NO ONE IN PARADOX SPACE IS SURPRISED.   
CG: SORRY.   
CG: JOHN?   
CG: john please   
CG: i'm sortsjklffffffffffffffff%%

\--

Karkat is crying clear pink all over his superman shirt. John tackles him at a run. They topple on the other side of the pile, asses up, heads down, in an avalanche of pillows and shoes and telephone books. Karkat's crabtop lands on John's head. John plans to blame it for the way his own eyes might be a tiny little bit misted over.

"Dibs on elder brother," he says, "because I totally deserve the right to boss you two around."

Also the right to beat up anyone who goes after his little bros.

(Even if one of them is probably ten times as dangerous as John will ever be.)

(Maybe Gamzee needs to be protected from ever needing to protect himself again.)

Maybe Gamzee needs to stop lurking in the doorway holy crap John almost had a heart attack. Only not, because he's still sorta pinning Karkat down, who's flushed in either offense or too many feelings and rubbing at his eyes.

"What's the haps in this here fine pile, dudes?"

He looks a little wary, a little unsure, in his vague Gamzee way. John grins up at him. "I'm showing Karkat how to have a feelings jam, brother-style!"

And then of course he plants his hand between Karkat's little horns and he noogies the _shit_ out of him.

Karkat flails and kicks ineffectually, spluttering in outrage. " _EGBERT!_ " John laughs, giddy.

"Which one? Hehehehehe. Gamzee Egbert. Gamzee Makara Egbert? Gamzee Egbert-Makara."

He could keep that up for hours, but then he hears Gamzee's honking laugh, and he sees Karkat's face relax from teary-eyed confusion to a sort of (oh god so embarrassing) dawning wonder. John just _has_ to noogie him again, sorry he does, the state of his manhood is at stake.

"HeheheHEY!"

Gamzee has just flopped like a bag of potatoes and coat hangers across the both of them. And now _his hand is in John's hair_. Is he going to... He wouldn't _dare_!

He does.

\--

"Boys! Any of you mind explaining why I am finding bits and pieces of your pile showered all over the living room?"

"Umm I'm sure I don't know, Dad! Freak tornado?"

"Hahaha I guess they up and felt like getting their flying on."

"Er. Yeah. Absolutely no idea either, none at all, but we'll fix it anyway, that's what good sons do, right? Move your asses, you two."

"Hey! _I'm_ the elder bro, _I_ boss you around."

"I'm usurping your title, nubslurp. Move."

"But best bro, I got my recollection on that I got me that wicked wriggling day partytimes like ages before yours?"

"Hm, hm! And John and his friends came in last on his birthday, isn't it? Hehe. Looks to me like Gamzee is eldest!"

"Noooooooooooo!" "Oh no." "Oh noooo." " _No_."

"Hahahahaha."

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Morning After [PODFIC]](https://archiveofourown.org/works/8830258) by [Opalsong](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Opalsong/pseuds/Opalsong)




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